just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
