you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Randomize
