I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Should I hook up with a slut its your call
Yes. Wrap it. If you dont have a condom do it anyway. YOU ONLY LIVE ONCE.
So I called her out for all the gossip she does and she's like "you do the same, bitch"
So I was like "Im classy like the Countess, youre just a bitch like Kim."
Kudos on the Interstate Housewife metaphor.
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
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