someone owes me an orgasm
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
