Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
Randomize
