Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
I kinda took a step back after our "surprise bottles night"
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
My vagina is officially offended.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
we're so committed to being not committed
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
