so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
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