my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
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