Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
