I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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