the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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