WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Most sexually ambiguous night of my life. Kept switching from the NBA finals to the Tonys.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
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