the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
I mean seriously there comes a time when you just need to take a crap in peace. Until he figures that out he can stay the hell outta my place.
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
Randomize
