I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
