i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
Randomize
