I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
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