I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Randomize
