At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
The people around me on the bus dont know im wearing glowsticks under my clothes. I feel like a super hero.
Randomize
