God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
