One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
