i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
Randomize
