Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
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