Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
