please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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