I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
i thought this was a perfectly normal conversation between two adult men about why this children's cartoon is quality television but no you just gotta be talking shit again
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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