I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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