I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
the welcome home hickey he left on my boob is really gunna put a damper on the rest of my thanksgiving hook up plans with the rest of my ex's
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
