Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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