i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i was born a porn star she said
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
