I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
is he the 3rd person to bang everyone in our group?
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
