Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
So they're giving me a CT scan because I probably have a hernia. From getting a BJ from you. Really. This may be a pivotal moment in my decision to write a book about my life
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Saw my drug dealer at Easter mass with his family so that was weird
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
