Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
You are the jesus of drinking
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
