I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm having to shit out rocks
Randomize
