how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
Randomize
