I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
Randomize
