lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
my poor anus
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
The only time we had a decent conversation was when he was on acid, and, like, that's not a great start to a relationship.
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Randomize
