I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I don't send those kind of pictures unless the recipient has already been up close and personal with it. I don't give previews, but I will provide recaps.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
