Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Randomize
