at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
Randomize
