we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
