There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
Oh god it's open bar.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
