it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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