I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
