I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Randomize
