I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
