It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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