just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I told him that I wanted his dick like I wanted a jumbo hot dog. There something wrong with my priorities
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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