i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
