it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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