mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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