He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
You took a bar mat shot.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
