I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
