Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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