I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I love you. You know I enjoy the constant sex noises
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
