let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
